Conversation with God

I realize it sounds bizarre, but it really just happened.  You know, sometimes God speaks loud enough (and my heart is open enough) to force me to hear him.  I was thinking (as I was gathering up the trash, but that's not really important), "I wish I could just relax."  I was considering how crummy I've felt for the last two weeks due primarily to the stress involved with the girls' current situation.  (Which, incidentally, you can follow at caringbridge.org/visit/hopevancleave).  No sooner had I thought that, than I heard, "Who says you can't?"  Talk about a kick in the pants.  It's true.  Who says I can't relax?  Who says I can't just set my eyes on the prize at the end and know that God will take care of us?  Who says I can't just give all my cares to God?  Who says my worrying will help anything?  Nobody.  Or maybe it's Satan trying to make things worse.  I don't know.  The big lesson here, though, is that I don't have to be tied up in knots all the time.  After all, Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. "  All I need to do is face the task at hand in a Christ-like manner.  I'm feeling a little more peaceful already. 

Really?

Sometimes I just want to say to God, "Really?"  This is one of those times.  Today when we found out that Addison's x-rays had come back abnormal and indicative of the same basilar invagination that Hope has, I just wanted to question God.  I know better.  Really I do.  I know that all things work for the good of those who love him.  I know that there will be good that comes from this situation.  But right now, I'm not seeing it.  These precious angels have been so much in their short little lives, and now this?  Really?  Yes, I'm thankful that I have that stubborn streak that didn't allow me to give up finding answers.  Yes, I'm thankful that I asked if Addie was at risk due to the identical twin status.  I think I knew what the answer would be, even if it wasn't "typically" hereditary.  Ignorance was bliss for awhile.  Now reality sets in.  We are fortunate to have such amazing family & friends who I know would do anything to help.  Their love and support has already been phenomenal.  For that I am eternally grateful.  Now we have to face this head on, ask for help when we need it, and accept help when it's offered. 

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12  This is my constant prayer...

Thanksgiving

December 1?  Really?  When did this happen?  And how is it possible that I have not purchased more than a handful of gifts, and none of those are anything grand?  I think it's time to get my rear in gear.  So in order to avoid the ridiculous stress that this fact is going to bring, I'll just go back to Thanksgiving...

We had a great time.  Here's the spread:

We had all the typical Thanksgiving-y stuff:  turkey, ham, mashed potatoes/gravy, sweet potatoes, dressing, corn, green beans, rolls, garlic salad, etc.  The list could go on nearly forever.  And that doesn’t even include the pies.  Too bad I didn’t bother taking a picture of those.  They were really, really good.  I think I’m still attempting to work off the calories I ingested that day. 

Thursday afternoon brought a new Zoe the dog holiday experience as well.  Jonathan & I went to his house to gather up the Wii and came home to a possum in the yard.  While we were questioning whether or not it was alive, we sent Zoe to check it out.  She stood nose to nose with the stupid thing for the longest time…until it tipped over.  I’ve never seen a possum make the decision to play dead.  It was such a gentle descent.  At that point, we told Zoe to get it, and she did.  Vigorously.  She’d obviously been through the drill before, because she’d shake it, then look at us to see if she was supposed to continue or not.  Eventually we had to chase her off of it so the family hunter could “take care of” the possum.  It’s always an adventure. 

We had a warmer day on Saturday to spend some time at the creek.  There was a lot of playing for the kiddos and some wood-cutting for the men.  We had a nice fire and were exhausted by the time we got home.  It was a good kind of tired.  At this particular family fun time, Zoe dug out and devoured a nest of field mice.  It was disgusting, but kind of fun to watch.  All us girls had a great time. 

Gary, on the other hand, missed out on all this fun.  He had a “Wild Hogs” type getaway with some of his friends.  Thank goodness they didn’t come home on motorcycles and wearing black leather (although I’m still not sure that couldn’t happen next time).  He came home maybe more obnoxious than when he left.  I didn’t think that was possible. :)  I know he had a great time and is looking forward to the next trip.  I hope all the other boys did too! :)

And now I try to prepare for the endless things going on between now and Christmas.  The list begins in earnest next Thursday and continues daily for several days.  When am I ever going to start/finish my Christmas shopping??? 

CMH

I was reminded yesterday, and then told Hope the stories, of some of our previous trips to CMH.  I remember Hope's first return visit to CMH for a check-up.  Papa drove us so I could sit in the back with Hope and her oxygen tank, etc.  She did great until we hit I-35/67th Street, at which point she began screaming.  That pretty much continued until we got to the hospital.  Addie, on the other hand, took a different approach on her many follow-up visits.  She was a fantastic traveller.  It was when we exited the parking garage elevators and entered into the lobby that she began screaming.  It happened every time we got there.  I still contend it was the familiar lighting.  I know that sounds odd, but I truly believe she associated the fluorescent lights with some unpleasant baby memories.  Now, for me, I never screamed on the way there. Well, not outwardly, anyway.  I will admit, however, that yesterday brought a fresh batch of memories back, most of which aren't great.  It was when we got to WDAF at the top of the hill (if you've been there, you know exactly where I mean) that my stomach started to cramp.  Nausea hit.  I wasn't sick, just heart-sick.  No matter how many times I visit CMH, I will always be left with the scary, gut-wrenching, heart-ripping memories. 

As for Hope, she's a mystery.  The neurologist admitted yesterday that she is going to have to do some research on what could be causing Hope's shoulder/neck muscle tightness.  She'll be having an x-ray and an MRI in the upcoming weeks which will then hopefully lead us in the right direction.  Prayers are definitely appreciated. 

Eight?

It's true.  Those teeny, tiny, puny, stubborn little babies of eight years ago have officially grown up into some pretty amazing young ladies.  I don't know how it happened.  Or when.  Have I aged eight years?  I think not.  Maybe I'm just improving with age...

Anyway.  We had a fantastically full birthday weekend for the girlies.  We spent Saturday afternoon (their actual birthday) at the 810 Zone in Leawood.  Who would've guessed that these three girly-girls would choose anywhere sporty as their birthday meal?  Not me.  And no, their dad hasn't rubbed off on them that much.  (Thank goodness!)  Somehow they just fell in love with the place, so that's where we went.  We took both sets of grandparents as well.  I'm pretty sure that was a new experience for them too.  We stopped at the Cheesecake Factory on our way home for some birthday cheesecake.  Yes, you read right.  I didn't have to make birthday cakes this year.  I did a happy dance.  They ended up spending the night with Meme & Papa that night, so that wasn't all bad either.

Sunday we took off for Manhattan...Kansas.  For whatever reason, and I have no idea what it is, Manhattan has become their new favorite place to visit.  They did get to spend time with Kerri, who made them dance for their birthday presents.  I like her style.  Every kid needs to do that.  On a side note, I very vividly remember putting on the elephant trunk masks and sniffing the baseboards in the basement for a Christmas gift.  Don't remember what the gift was, though...  Guess that says something about the process being better than the end result.  But I digress...  Sunday.  Manhattan.  We took in the K-State Marching Band's concert that evening.  That, by the way, was out of this world fun!  If you ever get the chance to hear them play inside, go.  Do it.  You might come out talking a little more loudly than usual, but it'll pass.  From there we went out to supper with some friends, who were brave enough to eat with the wild things.  Once, anyway.  We may never see them again now.  We spent the night in Manhattan and allowed the girls a day off of school the following day.  I'm thinking that should get us "Parents of the Year" honors, don't you?  I spent the ENTIRE morning in the Manhattan mall with the girls.  FYI, not my idea of a fun shopping trip.  Came home after a great lunch and dropped.

It was a fun weekend, and Hope tells me she wants to spend every birthday in Manhattan.  I'm just not sure about that.  Strange, though, that we're going to be spending my birthday next month in her favorite place.  How did this happen?  I have no idea...

Before I forget…

Yeah, I know.  Two blogs in one day?  Outrageous!  I just couldn’t resist sharing these get well cards that the girls created for Papa.  Hope’s is at the top.  Her picture is sweet.  Her sisters’ card, on the other hand, is slightly more disgusting.  I think I’ll just let you figure it out.  There are really some things that do not need to be described.  You’ll have to look very closely to read the speech bubbles, but it’s totally worth the trouble.  Obviously their mama does not do these kinds of drawings…but Papa can certainly appreciate it! :)

 

October? Wow!

I’m a poor excuse for a blogger.  Please forgive me…  I’ll do better.

Now that I have that out of the way, the fun can begin.  We’ve actually had a pretty good couple of months.  Gary has been to several KSU football games.  And yes, I’m expecting an impressive birthday gift for tolerating all this single-parenting! :)  I’ve even been taken to a couple of them, so I’m not totally left out!  The girlies have started their fall piano lessons again.  Monday they played their first “recital” for their piano teacher and me on the grand piano (I was jealous – I’d love to sit at that piano and play for hours!).  They did a great job and are going to play for their class at school next week.  They’re actually pretty excited about that, so I’m thrilled!  They’re surviving school, and even enjoying it to some degree (although they’d never admit it!). 

And now, the make-you-smile moment!  Hope came home yesterday and said, “Mama, there was a huge praying mammoth on the window at school today!”  I had her repeat herself just so I knew I heard her correctly.  I did.  Made me chuckle and left me with a fantastic mental image!  She and Addie also had a conversation last night as they tried to determine whether I was a girl or a woman.  Addie says I’m a woman, but not a granny.  (Thanks for that one, Add!)  Hope says I’m still a girl.  Clearly she’s the chosen one… :)