The Weekend - Recess for Grown-Ups!

I used to be a Monday person. I'm not now. I'm totally and completely a Friday person. We endured day three of Doodle's morning meltdown this morning. While I'm not looking forward to Tuesday, I can at least appreciate that this is the last time this week I have to send a child off in tears. It's not that she doesn't like school. It just seems hard for her to make that break in the morning. Actually, they all seem to like school enough that they play school when they get home. That's not exactly the kind of thing I'd expect from kids who don't like school, so I'm optimistic. While playing school on Wednesday they made good use of our chalkboard to write themselves a reminder to have recess (like they'll forget recess!). They're such smart little cookies!

So this weekend we're all going to have recess. We're going to take time off from the daily grind and have some fun together. We'll run around, spend time with our friends and family, be silly, take the time to swing (but not go down the slide - read back a few months and you'll understand why), and prepare ourselves for next week. We've finally made it to the weekend, when we have made it through the "gotta-do" activities and fly into the "wanna do" things. I'm ready.

Tears - Day 2

As you can see by the title, today's drop-off didn't improve a whole lot from yesterday. Doodle was actually in tears while eating breakfast because she knew she was going to miss me. When I sent them down the hall this morning (after hugs and kisses) Hanny & Doodle were both crying. Boo was the strong one. I'm not sure why, exactly. Maybe she's just a little quicker to realize that I'll always come back to get them. They'll make it through, it'll just take a little extra time and understanding. Can you tell they're not real big on change?! Oh well, neither am I. That's why we're taking this transition slowly. I want them to grow to love learning and school, so I think it's important to not throw them into an unknown and scary situation too quickly. On the plus side, I didn't cry today! :) I'm taking advantage of my time alone and getting some things done in the morning so I can spend the afternoons playing!

Wish us luck for tomorrow. We might just need it. Or, as the girls say, "We prob'ly will, we prob'ly won't."

It does get better, right?

I really thought the difficult drop-offs were mostly over. I was really wrong. Up until today I have been walking the girls to the gym every morning. Today, however, I decided we needed to take a step to give them more confidence (in the long run) and independence. I walked them into the school and to the hallway leading to the gym. I gave hugs and kisses there and told them I'd stay there while they walked to the gym. To say they weren't happy about this would be putting it very lightly. Hanny was in tears and the other two weren't far behind. At one point, about half-way down the hall, they stopped, turned around, waved and blew me kisses. Talk about a knife to the heart. What I wanted to do was run down the hall, scoop them all three up in my arms and do whatever they wanted me to do from there. What I did was stand there smiling, waving and blowing kisses their direction. It took self-control. I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. I'm sure that I did what I thought was the right thing. But why is it that the right things to do sometimes feel so utterly, horribly, undeniably wrong? I just have to look at the big picture. I'm preparing them to be confident, independent young women. Chances are they won't even remember this...but I will. But while they're learning to be independent, I'm learning to be strong. It's God's way of teaching me things I need to know. I'm just sure of it.

First Crush

I think I'm witnessing (and have been for the last couple months) the girls' first crush. I'm not sure it's a good thing as they all seem to be admiring the same young man. Actually, he's not exactly young... They are all pretty drawn to the piano-playing John Presley they have seen for the past couple years on our trips to Branson. They have pretty good taste, though. He's got a super smile and can really play the piano. Their cousin thought he was pretty great too, but then he got married and she moved on. The girls, however, don't care that he's 20 years older and married. Boo and Doodle are also interested in the sense of humor "Cecil" has. At least they're well-rounded! :) I remember being their age and having a crush on - I can admit it - Bo Duke. Yes, if you knew me then, I'm sure you knew that I had plans to marry him. So I'm sure the girls will probably always remember John Presley as their first love. If they don't, I will! :)

Sneezy, Blowy, and Sniffy and their mama - Sleepy

It sounds like we have some of Snow White's friends living with us, but that's just not the case. The girls have improved by leaps and bounds today - thank goodness - but we should definitely by now have stock in the Kleenex company. On the plus side, I was prepared and had bought Kleenexes last time at Sam's. I also (I must've known subconsciously what was coming) bought a couple bottles of cold medicine last weekend, so I was ready for almost anything. Woo hoo!

Yesterday morning we had one of those only-at-our-house things happen. Just as a little background... When I was in college, the house we (my cousin Julie and I) lived in had a few issues. For example, it had a floor furnace in the living room - fine, as long as we were only in the living room when it was cold. It wasn't quite as effective heating the bedrooms during the winter. In fact, one winter night we both slept in my twin bed just to stay warm. But I digress... Probably the most memorable part of living in that house was our encounter with a slimy rodent problem. Yeah, they were slugs. I realize they aren't technically rodents, but when they show up in the house they become a rodent problem. We had them in the bathtub - not exactly what you want to see when you're bleary-eyed, cold, naked and already in the tub. Neither of us had had any previous experience with slugs and had absolutely no idea how to alleviate the problem. We soon learned, however. That stuck with me. I have a real aversion to slugs - still. So, imagine my surprise yesterday morning when I opened up the living room curtains and saw two of them stuck to the side of the house (outside). All three girls were up and going and got to see them as well. Doodle had the most appropriate (to me) reaction and said, "YUCK!!! They look like poop! I don't like slugs! YUCK-O!!!" Now, wanting to prepare them for the less desirable parts of life, I have taught them exactly how to get rid of slugs. I want them to know what to do so they don't find themselves watching a slug slime its way across the floor/bathtub/etc. without knowing how to get rid of it. So I'm sure there will be things that they'll have to learn once they get to college, but slug-warfare will not be one of them.

One of my favorites

Well, two out of three woke up with fever this morning - nothing serious, just viral I think - so today hasn't turned out quite as good as I had hoped. I still plan to make stromboli this afternoon so we can have something warm and good for supper. We're going to do some schoolwork as well (if they don't go to school they still have to do the pages I have them do!) this morning. I have been moving some files from the old computer disks and found this. I had forgotten about it but wanted to share. I've seen it adapted to several different things, but the preemie adaptation relates to us. Hope you enjoy - don't worry, I cried too! :)


The Special Mother
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.
“Forest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecilia.
“Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint... give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a premature baby.”
The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”
“Exactly," smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”
“But does she have patience?” asks the angel.
“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it.
“I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”
“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”
God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”
The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”
God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who comes in a less than perfect way. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
“She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘Mommy’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”
“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, the pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

-Adapted from
Erma Bombeck

Improving by the day!

The girls stayed home sick yesterday but went to school today. That, in itself, was a decision I'm not sure I'll ever be good at making. What I mean is: when is it best for them to stay home and when is it best for them to go? It's a tough decision to make. I don't want to send them when they feel bad but I want them to know how important school is. It's something I'll struggle to learn, but I'm doing my best. Anyway...

This evening they have been playing together exceptionally well. It might be the cold medicine that seems to hype them up, but it might just be that they're feeling a little better this evening. They've spent the last hour playing school, sort of, and informed me that Doodle is Mrs. Stigall (their teacher), Boo is Mrs. Gloss (the other Kdg. teacher) and Hanny is the line leader. It's funny to listen to the different things they say and do now. They have been singing "Baby Beluga" all evening because they learned it in school today. They're blossoming before my eyes. That's not to say that they're not still very attached to each other and apprehensive about too much commotion and chaos, but they're improving. I'm sure it's strange and maybe stressful for them to see other kids acting inappropriately when they've never really seen that before. It's a learning experience for all of us. I can honestly say we're all doing our best. And, you might want to sit down for this, I'm almost beginning to enjoy those three hours of "free" time in the mornings. It's AMAZING how much I can accomplish in that time frame! This morning I cleaned both bathrooms, did laundry (not all of it, obviously), swept the house, mopped the kitchen and dining room and made all the beds. It was great! Add to that that I was able to open up the windows and doors in August and it made for a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better! :) I have big plans for tomorrow morning...I'm thinking homemade bread or ham/broccoli/cheese stromboli. Now if it'll just be a rainy day...

This will be funny someday...right?

Okay, so the morning started out with Boo trudging into the living room sort of sniffy & upset. I asked if there was something wrong and she said, "But I might miss you, Mama." Not the easiest comment to paint a happy face over, but we kept going. Nobody was thrilled about the prospect of going to school again, but we managed. When I left, Boo had a quivering chin and tears in her eyes and Doodle was doing her darnedest to hold back tears. If you know her, you can picture her upside-down smile and flushed face, that being her typical "I'm trying to be strong" face. Hanny couldn't give me enough hugs, and I finally just had to give them a quick nudge toward the gym & make my escape. Again, not an easy task for this sappy mama. They made it through the morning just fine and were ready to come home when the time came. I noticed Hanny didn't look quite like herself and asked her repeatedly if she was okay, felt okay, if anything hurt, etc. (Donna, I could almost hear your "Are you okay?" coming out of my mouth over and over!) She perked up eventually, which I was glad to see. Sadly, as the day wore on, I saw evidence of their first school-girl colds creeping in. Addie is farther along in it but the other two are well on their way to having a full-blown cold as well. Maybe, just maybe, that could explain some of their reluctance to go this morning. They just didn't feel quite right... So, we made it through three days of school before getting sick. Is that a record?! Ah well...such is life. Good thing it's just Kindergarten!

Saying My Prayers

With the first two days (and the novelty) of school already long gone, I'm praying that this week goes smoothly. Thursday evening Boo commented, "Why do we have to go to school again BY OURSELVES?" Her tell-it-like-it-is sister Doodle was the voice of reason and responded, "We just do!" It's just the way it is for all of us many times in life (let's face it, sometimes it feels like that all the time). There are so many things we don't necessarily want to do but have to do. They did fine on Friday but were a little more reluctant (Hanny, especially) to let me go - not what I needed on day 2! They told me tonight that their principal told them she'd take care of them when I walked away one of the days last week, so that made me feel good. It's nice to know she's making such an extra effort to help them be comfortable. We've had some discussion tonight about going to school for five days this week. You'd have thought I had told them they'd be going from sun-up to sun-down for the next six weeks! Little do they know this is the beginning of MANY years of school! :) I don't think I'll break that to them yet. I'm so thankful we've decided to do half-days. They are so tired by the time we get lunch over that we have been resting daily in the afternoons. Friday they had a math worksheet to do as well so we sat down and worked on that and did some coloring. I've been working on sight words with them lately and they are making great strides with that. They're going to do great, it's just the hurdle of this being "life" now. It's an adjustment for all of us. I'm just praying for a good week and no tears - from them or me...

First Day of School - Guess Who Cried...

Yeah, so it wasn't one of the children. And, for the record, it wasn't just me either! Gary was just as guilty as I was of crying, but my tears lasted all the way home. Thank goodness we were the only ones crying throughout the whole ordeal because I probably couldn't have handled it if the girls had been scared. They were so brave! I was proud, to say the least.

I spent my way-too-quiet morning cleaning. That's what I do when I'm under stress. When I was in college, Julie and I always had a super-clean house during finals week. Something about pressure just brings out the clean-freak in me. On the plus side, it's better to clean when stressed than it is to eat! That habit has changed as well. Now I find myself unable to eat under stress - a nice change, to say the least! By the time I did laundry, cleaned one of the bathrooms, made beds, cleaned the kitchen, swept and worked out it was time to go get the little angels. I had been watching the clock all morning and was glad when I finally got verification that I could leave! I'm glad they're home in the afternoons. I really think all day would be WAY too much for them both physically and emotionally. They've got enough time to grow up without requiring them to do it all right now.

On another good note, I'm down 64.5 pounds as of today. I'm very happy about that. Okay, so that sounded much less excited than I actually am about it. Just imagine that I'm jumping up and down with excitement and you'll get the idea of what I'm really feeling.

So that's all for us today. It's been a stress-filled week for me and I'll be glad when I can relax a little. I think I'm moving in that direction. Maybe I'll actually sleep tonight...

Candy pizza anyone?

We have had a fun morning. I wanted to make something special with the girls today so they'd have something to look forward to after they get done with school tomorrow. I know it's going to be an emotionally draining day for all of us, but I want to be able to focus on the fun stuff tomorrow. We spent the morning making first frosting, then the crusts and toppings for our candy pizzas. They thought the whole idea of a cookie/frosting/candy pizza was a great thing! In fact, Hannah's exact words were, "This is prob'ly gonna be the best pizza EVER!" It should make for a major sugar rush, but that's okay. Anything for them...

Although I'm much less stressed-out about them going to school since we've decided to send them half-days, it's still weighing heavily on my mind. That's not true. It's weighing heavily on my heart. My mind knows that this is the beginning of such a fun time in their lives. My problem is that I'm ruled much more by my heart than my head. Logically I can count my blessings that they have gone from such rocky beginnings to healthy, happy, intelligent little girls. It's amazing to me to think back on those days when I honestly wondered if the twins would ever eat orally. There were days that I had my doubts. What amazing progress they've made! If only I could overpower the feelings with the thoughts. The feelings come from so much deeper though. When they were in the hospital and so fragile, we did what we had to do to muddle through. Looking back, I don't know how I survived going home while Boo was still in the hospital. I went two-week spans without seeing her. I don't know how Gary survived working in Topeka everyday and driving to KC every evening to spend time with Boo before heading to the Ronald McDonald House for the night. I was strong when I had to be, but now I fall apart a little more easily. It's okay to feel the feelings now. It's what has made me the person I am today, and I'm much better off because of it. I learned to advocate for what I believe in. That in itself is priceless. I truly believe it's all been part of God's plan for me.

A Little Less Worried?!

We met with the girls' teacher and principal this afternoon to discuss how we're going to approach the whole half-day plan. Can I tell you how much better I feel now?! They were both so extremely understanding and compassionate. They are so willing to work with us it was absolutely amazing to me. For the first few weeks I will go get them at lunch time and they will eat lunch at home. One of my major concerns is the twins' eating (or lack of) when they're in different situations and surroundings. They don't have any extra fluff as it is, so we don't need them losing weight. After a few weeks we'll try to do lunch at school and go from there. We're just going to make the transition as smooth as possible. I will be teaching them Math at home as they will miss that block in the afternoon. I think we're finally on the right track. I know it will be tough to walk away from them Thursday (and Friday, and next week) morning, but I think this is really what we need to do. It's a load off my mind to know that we have a teacher and principal who are willing and eager to work with us with the girls' best interests in mind. So I'm still worried, as usual, but a little less so now. It's a good thing! :)

Biker Babes

The girls spent the day today at Melvern Lake with Meme & Papa trying out all the playgrounds in the area. They had a super time and were not at all interested in coming home with me this afternoon. Okay, so that's putting it mildly. They cried because they had to leave. They're such loving little souls, though, they were very sad to leave. Hanny finally appealed to the twins' senses by telling them that even if they can't see Meme she's always with them in their hearts.

After finally getting them home and back to normal again they decided to ride their bikes after supper. They're finally getting the hang of it. Hanny, being the competitive child, has to make sure she maintains a steady lead on her sisters. Doodle, the polar opposite, glides along at her own speed totally unconcerned with where she fits into the race. Most of the time, that is. Once every few minutes she'll glance around to see where everyone else is. Boo, who shares a lot of Hanny's character traits, although in a slightly less bold way, is a speed demon! She wants so badly to be at the front of the pack and sometimes gets there. That's a blessing to see. Hanny was always our gross motor kid. She crawled first, walked first and did all the gross motor stuff ahead of schedule and with such skill. Her sisters were our fine motor kids. They were never all that interested in tummy time as babies. Doodle never did crawl; she developed her own method of scooting around on her backside by using her feet in front of her to pull. It's hard to picture, I know. Boo crawled, but it made her mad. The twins spent so much time in their highchairs during tube feedings that I gave them things they could do to stay busy there. They did puzzles somewhere prior to 18 months and began peeling off tiny stickers and putting them on paper around the same time. It did great things for their fine motor skills, but their gross motor skills didn't develop as easily. They are finally getting strong enough leg muscles to really propel those bikes, though. I know it sounds strange, but I feel so blessed when I see them using those muscles to pedal. I remember all too well the little frog legs Boo had from lying on her stomach for so long in the hospital. Every stride they have made in their short lives has been huge. Yeah, most people looking at them wouldn't know what miracles they are. I do. I know that every bite of food swallowed is a blessing. I know that every breath taken is a blessing. I know that every inch of ground they cover while riding their bikes is a blessing. And I know that every argument they put up, every tear they cry and every belly laugh I get to hear is a blessing. I am one lucky mama.

Doodle Tells it Like it Is!

I'm sure most people would find it hard to believe that Doodle is so willing to voice her opinion. She puts on such a shy, demure show that it doesn't seem possible that she is, in actuality, the most blunt child of the three. In fact, on our recent trip to Branson we found a shirt that said "Little Miss Bossy" on the front that I almost bought. I didn't want to limit her to just being bossy, though, so I didn't buy it. It's not so much that she really seems bossy, she is just the manager of the three. She gives instructions to her sisters exceptionally well with pretty amazing results. Anyway... Her latest phrase with me has been I LOVE you. Okay, so when I'm typing it it doesn't have the same effect, but it's the way she says it. If you can imagine saying I love you while sort of frowning (not sad, mind you, but just pulling down the corners of your mouth while you say it) you'll just about have it. I guess you also have to sort of draw it out to a longer phrase and lower your voice a little as well. What I wouldn't give to know how many of you are actually trying to do this! She has also been giving "good" kisses by putting her hands on our cheeks and kissing us. She's very affectionate with me but doesn't really get so lovey with Dad. In fact, after telling me repeatedly tonight that she loves me Dad asked if she loves him. Her reply? "Only a little." Yeah, I know. That will change drastically in the years to come. That's why I'm soaking it up now.

As for telling it like it is, we've been noticing lately that Dad is lacking a little in the hearing department. We're not sure if he's losing his hearing or just losing the desire to listen. Either way, we have been repeating ourselves often. This evening while Doodle & I were in the bathroom getting her jammies on Hanny asked, through the closed door, how to play a Bingo game we hadn't played for a year or more. I attempted to explain but she just didn't quite get it. We heard her walk away saying she didn't understand what I said. Hope, always on her toes, sighed and then told me in a frustrated voice, "She's just like Dad." Of course since then he told her he'd stay in bed with her until she fell asleep, so he's in her good graces now.

Hanny & Boo have been playing together all evening. Before leaving Branson on Wednesday Boo snatched Papa's straw hat and wouldn't give it back to him before we headed our separate ways. She wore it all the way home and has slept with it on the end of her bed since then. Tonight she's been wearing it again. He'll probably never get it back. I asked why she was wearing it and she told me she just missed Papa. She's a sentimental little lady - definitely a girl after her mama's own heart.

Kindergarten Orientation

The girls had their first taste of Kindergarten today for a couple hours. Obviously they were pretty apprehensive about the whole thing, but they did very well for being scared. They met their teacher, listened to a story, learned some of the rules, toured the school, played on the playground and had a snack. It was a nice introduction to kdg and one I'm glad we attended. Hanny, as usual, was the mother hen and took care of her sisters. Boo & Doodle held her hands for security, also as usual. I'm so thankful they have each other. We've decided to just do half days (at least for awhile) as well, which calms my fears a little. We will have to do some of their instruction/work at home, but I look forward to that. I chuckled to myself when their teacher told us that by the end of kdg they would like for them to be able to count to 100 if possible. She also mentioned that they would be learning their letters and letter sounds. By November they will begin learning a few sight words. These are all things the girlies are doing now and have been for several months. They're going to do just fine once they get over the hump of being scared. I'm sure they'll make amazing strides. I almost feel bad admitting that it might be nice to have a few hours each day to get things done and take care of things that I haven't been able to get done in the past 5+ years. I'd like to paint several rooms in the house after cleaning them out thoroughly. I need to shampoo the carpets as well. I don't think I'll lack for things to keep me busy for a few hours each day. I also plan to get my exercise in during that time period. That has suffered considerably for the last few months due to being gone, being busy, having surgery and recovering from that, etc. I'm going to get back in the swing of things soon, though. I've got a few more pounds I'd like to lose or at least rearrange. My goal now is to tone up and get rid of any unnecessary fluff that is trying to stay with me. I don't have as far to go at this point, but I'm not ready to quit yet.