Saying My Prayers

With the first two days (and the novelty) of school already long gone, I'm praying that this week goes smoothly. Thursday evening Boo commented, "Why do we have to go to school again BY OURSELVES?" Her tell-it-like-it-is sister Doodle was the voice of reason and responded, "We just do!" It's just the way it is for all of us many times in life (let's face it, sometimes it feels like that all the time). There are so many things we don't necessarily want to do but have to do. They did fine on Friday but were a little more reluctant (Hanny, especially) to let me go - not what I needed on day 2! They told me tonight that their principal told them she'd take care of them when I walked away one of the days last week, so that made me feel good. It's nice to know she's making such an extra effort to help them be comfortable. We've had some discussion tonight about going to school for five days this week. You'd have thought I had told them they'd be going from sun-up to sun-down for the next six weeks! Little do they know this is the beginning of MANY years of school! :) I don't think I'll break that to them yet. I'm so thankful we've decided to do half-days. They are so tired by the time we get lunch over that we have been resting daily in the afternoons. Friday they had a math worksheet to do as well so we sat down and worked on that and did some coloring. I've been working on sight words with them lately and they are making great strides with that. They're going to do great, it's just the hurdle of this being "life" now. It's an adjustment for all of us. I'm just praying for a good week and no tears - from them or me...

First Day of School - Guess Who Cried...

Yeah, so it wasn't one of the children. And, for the record, it wasn't just me either! Gary was just as guilty as I was of crying, but my tears lasted all the way home. Thank goodness we were the only ones crying throughout the whole ordeal because I probably couldn't have handled it if the girls had been scared. They were so brave! I was proud, to say the least.

I spent my way-too-quiet morning cleaning. That's what I do when I'm under stress. When I was in college, Julie and I always had a super-clean house during finals week. Something about pressure just brings out the clean-freak in me. On the plus side, it's better to clean when stressed than it is to eat! That habit has changed as well. Now I find myself unable to eat under stress - a nice change, to say the least! By the time I did laundry, cleaned one of the bathrooms, made beds, cleaned the kitchen, swept and worked out it was time to go get the little angels. I had been watching the clock all morning and was glad when I finally got verification that I could leave! I'm glad they're home in the afternoons. I really think all day would be WAY too much for them both physically and emotionally. They've got enough time to grow up without requiring them to do it all right now.

On another good note, I'm down 64.5 pounds as of today. I'm very happy about that. Okay, so that sounded much less excited than I actually am about it. Just imagine that I'm jumping up and down with excitement and you'll get the idea of what I'm really feeling.

So that's all for us today. It's been a stress-filled week for me and I'll be glad when I can relax a little. I think I'm moving in that direction. Maybe I'll actually sleep tonight...

Candy pizza anyone?

We have had a fun morning. I wanted to make something special with the girls today so they'd have something to look forward to after they get done with school tomorrow. I know it's going to be an emotionally draining day for all of us, but I want to be able to focus on the fun stuff tomorrow. We spent the morning making first frosting, then the crusts and toppings for our candy pizzas. They thought the whole idea of a cookie/frosting/candy pizza was a great thing! In fact, Hannah's exact words were, "This is prob'ly gonna be the best pizza EVER!" It should make for a major sugar rush, but that's okay. Anything for them...

Although I'm much less stressed-out about them going to school since we've decided to send them half-days, it's still weighing heavily on my mind. That's not true. It's weighing heavily on my heart. My mind knows that this is the beginning of such a fun time in their lives. My problem is that I'm ruled much more by my heart than my head. Logically I can count my blessings that they have gone from such rocky beginnings to healthy, happy, intelligent little girls. It's amazing to me to think back on those days when I honestly wondered if the twins would ever eat orally. There were days that I had my doubts. What amazing progress they've made! If only I could overpower the feelings with the thoughts. The feelings come from so much deeper though. When they were in the hospital and so fragile, we did what we had to do to muddle through. Looking back, I don't know how I survived going home while Boo was still in the hospital. I went two-week spans without seeing her. I don't know how Gary survived working in Topeka everyday and driving to KC every evening to spend time with Boo before heading to the Ronald McDonald House for the night. I was strong when I had to be, but now I fall apart a little more easily. It's okay to feel the feelings now. It's what has made me the person I am today, and I'm much better off because of it. I learned to advocate for what I believe in. That in itself is priceless. I truly believe it's all been part of God's plan for me.

A Little Less Worried?!

We met with the girls' teacher and principal this afternoon to discuss how we're going to approach the whole half-day plan. Can I tell you how much better I feel now?! They were both so extremely understanding and compassionate. They are so willing to work with us it was absolutely amazing to me. For the first few weeks I will go get them at lunch time and they will eat lunch at home. One of my major concerns is the twins' eating (or lack of) when they're in different situations and surroundings. They don't have any extra fluff as it is, so we don't need them losing weight. After a few weeks we'll try to do lunch at school and go from there. We're just going to make the transition as smooth as possible. I will be teaching them Math at home as they will miss that block in the afternoon. I think we're finally on the right track. I know it will be tough to walk away from them Thursday (and Friday, and next week) morning, but I think this is really what we need to do. It's a load off my mind to know that we have a teacher and principal who are willing and eager to work with us with the girls' best interests in mind. So I'm still worried, as usual, but a little less so now. It's a good thing! :)

Biker Babes

The girls spent the day today at Melvern Lake with Meme & Papa trying out all the playgrounds in the area. They had a super time and were not at all interested in coming home with me this afternoon. Okay, so that's putting it mildly. They cried because they had to leave. They're such loving little souls, though, they were very sad to leave. Hanny finally appealed to the twins' senses by telling them that even if they can't see Meme she's always with them in their hearts.

After finally getting them home and back to normal again they decided to ride their bikes after supper. They're finally getting the hang of it. Hanny, being the competitive child, has to make sure she maintains a steady lead on her sisters. Doodle, the polar opposite, glides along at her own speed totally unconcerned with where she fits into the race. Most of the time, that is. Once every few minutes she'll glance around to see where everyone else is. Boo, who shares a lot of Hanny's character traits, although in a slightly less bold way, is a speed demon! She wants so badly to be at the front of the pack and sometimes gets there. That's a blessing to see. Hanny was always our gross motor kid. She crawled first, walked first and did all the gross motor stuff ahead of schedule and with such skill. Her sisters were our fine motor kids. They were never all that interested in tummy time as babies. Doodle never did crawl; she developed her own method of scooting around on her backside by using her feet in front of her to pull. It's hard to picture, I know. Boo crawled, but it made her mad. The twins spent so much time in their highchairs during tube feedings that I gave them things they could do to stay busy there. They did puzzles somewhere prior to 18 months and began peeling off tiny stickers and putting them on paper around the same time. It did great things for their fine motor skills, but their gross motor skills didn't develop as easily. They are finally getting strong enough leg muscles to really propel those bikes, though. I know it sounds strange, but I feel so blessed when I see them using those muscles to pedal. I remember all too well the little frog legs Boo had from lying on her stomach for so long in the hospital. Every stride they have made in their short lives has been huge. Yeah, most people looking at them wouldn't know what miracles they are. I do. I know that every bite of food swallowed is a blessing. I know that every breath taken is a blessing. I know that every inch of ground they cover while riding their bikes is a blessing. And I know that every argument they put up, every tear they cry and every belly laugh I get to hear is a blessing. I am one lucky mama.

Doodle Tells it Like it Is!

I'm sure most people would find it hard to believe that Doodle is so willing to voice her opinion. She puts on such a shy, demure show that it doesn't seem possible that she is, in actuality, the most blunt child of the three. In fact, on our recent trip to Branson we found a shirt that said "Little Miss Bossy" on the front that I almost bought. I didn't want to limit her to just being bossy, though, so I didn't buy it. It's not so much that she really seems bossy, she is just the manager of the three. She gives instructions to her sisters exceptionally well with pretty amazing results. Anyway... Her latest phrase with me has been I LOVE you. Okay, so when I'm typing it it doesn't have the same effect, but it's the way she says it. If you can imagine saying I love you while sort of frowning (not sad, mind you, but just pulling down the corners of your mouth while you say it) you'll just about have it. I guess you also have to sort of draw it out to a longer phrase and lower your voice a little as well. What I wouldn't give to know how many of you are actually trying to do this! She has also been giving "good" kisses by putting her hands on our cheeks and kissing us. She's very affectionate with me but doesn't really get so lovey with Dad. In fact, after telling me repeatedly tonight that she loves me Dad asked if she loves him. Her reply? "Only a little." Yeah, I know. That will change drastically in the years to come. That's why I'm soaking it up now.

As for telling it like it is, we've been noticing lately that Dad is lacking a little in the hearing department. We're not sure if he's losing his hearing or just losing the desire to listen. Either way, we have been repeating ourselves often. This evening while Doodle & I were in the bathroom getting her jammies on Hanny asked, through the closed door, how to play a Bingo game we hadn't played for a year or more. I attempted to explain but she just didn't quite get it. We heard her walk away saying she didn't understand what I said. Hope, always on her toes, sighed and then told me in a frustrated voice, "She's just like Dad." Of course since then he told her he'd stay in bed with her until she fell asleep, so he's in her good graces now.

Hanny & Boo have been playing together all evening. Before leaving Branson on Wednesday Boo snatched Papa's straw hat and wouldn't give it back to him before we headed our separate ways. She wore it all the way home and has slept with it on the end of her bed since then. Tonight she's been wearing it again. He'll probably never get it back. I asked why she was wearing it and she told me she just missed Papa. She's a sentimental little lady - definitely a girl after her mama's own heart.

Kindergarten Orientation

The girls had their first taste of Kindergarten today for a couple hours. Obviously they were pretty apprehensive about the whole thing, but they did very well for being scared. They met their teacher, listened to a story, learned some of the rules, toured the school, played on the playground and had a snack. It was a nice introduction to kdg and one I'm glad we attended. Hanny, as usual, was the mother hen and took care of her sisters. Boo & Doodle held her hands for security, also as usual. I'm so thankful they have each other. We've decided to just do half days (at least for awhile) as well, which calms my fears a little. We will have to do some of their instruction/work at home, but I look forward to that. I chuckled to myself when their teacher told us that by the end of kdg they would like for them to be able to count to 100 if possible. She also mentioned that they would be learning their letters and letter sounds. By November they will begin learning a few sight words. These are all things the girlies are doing now and have been for several months. They're going to do just fine once they get over the hump of being scared. I'm sure they'll make amazing strides. I almost feel bad admitting that it might be nice to have a few hours each day to get things done and take care of things that I haven't been able to get done in the past 5+ years. I'd like to paint several rooms in the house after cleaning them out thoroughly. I need to shampoo the carpets as well. I don't think I'll lack for things to keep me busy for a few hours each day. I also plan to get my exercise in during that time period. That has suffered considerably for the last few months due to being gone, being busy, having surgery and recovering from that, etc. I'm going to get back in the swing of things soon, though. I've got a few more pounds I'd like to lose or at least rearrange. My goal now is to tone up and get rid of any unnecessary fluff that is trying to stay with me. I don't have as far to go at this point, but I'm not ready to quit yet.